Wednesday, November 15, 2006

New rule

Metro voice

I had to ride both the subway and the bus home this evening because of meetings across town. Man, I don’t know how people ride the subway every day. I guess you develop a bubble to insulate you from all of the rude, inconsiderate, clueless people out there. Give me the bus any day!

Nothing protects you from inane conversation, though.

I think the new guy in charge of Metro should introduce the practice of using “Metro voice” when riding public transportation. That way we ALL don’t need to hear about the boy who is courting you and all your friends are asking about and why hasn’t he asked you out yet (giggle giggle) and we spent all of Saturday evening together and no, nothing happened and I am not going to ask him out first and it would be nice to bring a date to my office holiday party that is coming up on December 8th.

Ugh. Tone it down.

Here’s how Metro voice works.

Picture in your head the one person in your life you do not want to know anything about your personal life. This could be a boss, parent, landlord, freak you see at the Starbucks every day.

Now, when you start up a conversation while riding Metro, or any other form of public transport, either in person or on your &*^@! cell phone, picture that person sitting right next to you and alter your volume so as not to share every painful f*cking detail with that person and all of the hapless victims of your boundary-less life. (Must have been a millennial sitting there. It will take me a lifetime to gain even an ounce of patience for that group.)

Got it?

As a child you learned “inside voice.” Look how handy that has become in your adult life.

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